HW#21: Expert #1

Most Important Insights/Experience from Guest Speaker:

1. Her husband (like most men) was not seeking medical treatment when he first started to feel sick even though he should have.

2. Unlike movies and the media, going through cancer and chemo isn't 'pretty.' Her husband's foot blew up and was unable to walk. He didn't look as handsome as before.

3. Dealing with an illness such as her husband was not a straight line. In a way, it gave false hopes since there were times where he seemed okay.

4. Even as her husband's death neared, they never mentioned the word 'death' and always had positive thinking.

5. Her husband still made the art he loved while he was in the hospital. He said he did not mind being paralyzed as long as his hand could move. Even as he was in the stage of dying, he passed out cards with his art at different patients.

6. Beth has a supportive family which helped her to solely focus on taking care of her husband instead of continuing workshops. In a way, these moments were her best moments because she was able to only think about him and spend more 'quality time.'

7. She did not want others in the hospital to only see her husband as a 'cancer.' She wanted the doctors to look at him as a human, as a talented artist, and as her husband.

8. Her husband constantly fought against death.

9. Never hold off on saying a compliment or a comment that may make that person's day. You never know what can happen to that person.

The first insight I listed was actually one I agreed with strongly. Even though it depends on the individual, there are men who are in complete denial of being severly sick when they really need to go see a doctor. My grandpa on my mother's side can be like that sometimes. This is worrisome, because I can never tell if he is sick or not, and continues to take care of my disabled grandmother. I can tell he is very healthy and fit for his age, but at the same time I know there will be a time when he won't be able to do a lot of things as he gets more and more older. When I actually stopped to think about it, all the males in my family seem like they are never sick because they never openly say so. On the other hand (including myself) the females in my family say openly they are sick and feel bad. This is a generalization, but I agree in a way that men tend to not be so open about health.

The third insight I got from the guest speaker was that the process of being with someone who is ill and nearly dying is never a straight line and gives false hopes. I think this is true, especially because people naturally just tend to hope or want to believe that something good will happen. It's hard to do the opposite, because who would want their loved one to pass away? I always hope that my grandparents and family in Japan will continue to live on and I would be able to see them every time I go visit. I know that death happens to everyone, but I personally don't like to ponder about it: I just hope that it won't come any time soon.

I at first felt uncomfortable being in an audience listening to a true account of someone who lost their husband through kidney cancer. I honestly thought she would grow emotional, but instead I saw the exact opposite. Death is never a happy experience, but through her way of talking about it, I got the sense that it changed her view in a positive direction. I felt as though she accepted death open-heartedly and learned the value of time over money. Can death make a person stronger? I always took death as a depressing, tragic event but from her I felt as though death does not have to be 100% negative. It also sparked another question of, "Is it possible to be happy as death comes near?" I sensed strength even within her husband, who continued doing the art he loved despite his illness and nearing death. Maybe death doesn't have to be a moment of despair, but rather a chance to continue doing what we love until that time comes.